It has been easy enough to believe all that is written about the 12th house and to down play the importance of how it will play out with planetary placements in a Natal Chart. Long time readers will remember I have the Sun there (and on the flip side, I realize why would they remember and more importantly why would they care) <- – – See what I did there? Ego building and demolished in the same sentence.
I have the Moon in domicile, Cancer and over the years have considered my emotions very immature. I can be like a teenage girl asking horary after horary if my heart is involved. (ask Ryhan). I sometimes will equate the feeling of emotional vulnerability, the sheer terror of slipping off a treacherous cliff into the icy breaking waters, as just being emotionally stunted. I find I will hold on too long hoping for the best, unconditionally love (I can love the unlovable… and feed them what they need), and sincerely hope the best for all in each situation. I am filled with joy by my new grandson and children… right up there like someone with a strong Moon would be expected to do so. I adore animals and the taking care of younger ones (being their surrogate mom). That makes sense as Cancer rules the 6th house where my Moon is found. The kids growing up always had friends drop by that needed a momentary mom, and I found working with foster care children a natural fit. Thinking this over, my Moon is functioning as expected and hardly appears to be stunned. I think I am actually a Cancer Moon poster child! So where does this terror come from then? The moon lowers head and points across the chart to the 12th house.
We have all read and understand that the 12th house is one of the unfortunate ones. We get a reprieve from Modern Astrology and using the house for psychology. We can scan over a planet placed there and give it a few easier delineations, but like witnessing a bad car wreck we don’t want to stare and quickly put it out of our minds. Like Poe’s Tale Tell Heart, it beats on quietly for none to suspect but the owner of the Natal. The 12th is often given to imprisonment, and those with this placement can attest to the realness. No amount of therapy or comments like, “Snap yourself out of it” or the ever annoying, “look on the bright side”, or guru mumblings of free choice makes a difference. With this house comes loneliness, grief, torture… for God’s sake, Saturn takes his joy in the position.
The Sun is the planet I have located in the 12th. First thoughts are it is an absent father figure (which is pretty much the case here) and a hidden ego (ha! I have an epic Ego). Having the Sun in Capricorn and Saturn deposits in Aquarius, it is a strong Sun, but in a bad place. Capricorn is found on the cusp of the house that in we possess mastery. Not a great start here, but thinking the Moon is on to something. I have a history of getting involved with Narcissist (partly as I grew up with one) and as the stars compel I keep setting up to crush my ego, the pattern since childhood. Narcissism would be a domain of the Sun. It is a term that is tossed around lightly in talk show type circles. True Narcissism exposer is crippling. It is a Personality Disorder usually brought about by a Major Attachment Dysfunction. Aw, and see, that gets my Cancer Moon being all protective over them, they are hurting and continue bleeding…. and that is when the Sun in the 12th gets its fix of trying to recreate childhood trauma and hoping this one time I am important enough to be accepted. It is like going to the same movie and always expecting a different outcome. I choose those that cannot love, in order to not be loved, what I have come to expect as my lot in life. Lately, I have come to realize, I don’t want to be loved… it is too vulnerable. (Note: some of you may find the irony of the 7th house as partners and open enemies is where my Leo is positioned)
Recently, I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting a most wonderful kindred spirit. This person has had an effect on me that have had my own buried issues brought up to light. They really don’t feel like the rotted corpses of hidden truths I have been hiding, and examined through this light, not nearly as frightening…. Actually, it is almost comical in how sadly deflated the monsters are. Simple sentences have me going, WTF when I say them. I am left wondering where that issue came from. I am seeing they all are coming back from the 12th and a beat up Sun. There is such a need to acceptance I have set up my life to fail over and over again… especially in the domain of the heart (the Sun ruling the solar plexus). I did do a long distance Reiki that surprised me; it came from the heart chakra area… I thought I was going to have a heart attack for a moment… but it turned out to be a great experience for me to center through that area instead of the colder, dryer third eye area.
The other day was one of those Swiss Cheese moments… when everything lines up like a stack of Swiss and one of the holes is not covered by the stack, they instead all lie in alighnment, to expose a particular spot. It was the perfect storm…we both had a solar arc explode at the same moment. The transit Sun went over my Venus, as charged his solar arc POF and lots of transit planets hitting other natal planets. Those sound great, right? OMG, it was a night of terror. I put a picture out there (LOL, it was the Sun going over my Venus, right?) I was riding one of those tiara moments. FB comments were coming in from every corner of the world…. Friends, propositions, ex-boyfriends, C… you know who you are…. I was on cloud 9, my little Venus had it going on! I needed the boost; I have been feeling every day of my 50 years. Then I realized this person had seen my picture and never really commented on it… and the floor was ripped from the bottom of my world. Jeeze, I should be able to just shrug and go on… I should be. The conversation had come to a still (I didn’t take into account neither one of us had had sleep the night before) and the Monster’s roared in appreciation of substance after such a long fasting. The longer the silence the more overtime my mind went on beating myself up… I was also on FB talking to a friend and I swear I had a melt down on her. No amount of positive comments coming in would quiet the beasts. I eventually gave up and went to bed.
Morning has broken. I got my head together a bit. I went back to the earlier conversation and I over looked anything complementary… it was there, I chose not to see it or to see it as good enough; and then another conversation started innocently enough that got the digestive juices of that monster going again. But this time I was able to piece it together. Not only were my primal fears awake, but he has the Moon in his 12th house… his emotions have taken serious beatings in life also. This is probably an introvert that would rather eat glass then to have to show the vulnerability of showing nurturing or any sappy thing other than, okay. This was a moment when someone else’s issue collided with mine.
The importance of this blog is to remind how serious the 12th house needs to be addressed in Natal and in Synastry readings. My daughter has Saturn in the 12th, at least in Joy and this one resents all authority and continues to play the drama from her father over and over. Someone with Venus in the 12th, they will choose partners to play their drama. It isn’t a bad prison per say, but it is lonely.
OH and Ryhan…. About that horary I sent you…