The current Pluto transit is conjunct my Sun in the 12th and opposed my Moon in the 6th. I don’t much of a difference than when the same path was taken by Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune except the naked intensity. Having the Sun in the 12th is a position of dissolving one’s ego. The outer planets in bad aspect really make sure of the ego punches. Now I am on Pluto’s dance card.
Facebook was the vehicle for my own self undoing. I had friends, friends of friends, and friends that had a few thousand other friends. Vulnerable and ever trusting, I took it all to be honest. Blogs popped up everywhere. Some from authors I greatly respect, many others by those that are sharing what they have learned, others by…. well anyone with a computer can run a blog. I notice some would say “achoo” and get thirty responses of “bless you”… I felt so lonesome with my on my status getting one like…. and that being a family member. I cultivated wonderful friendships, made out of late night messaging, dealing with dramas and life altering moments, the stuff love is made of. Then these new friends friended my old friends, the familiarity they used publishing comments took me back. I did start seriously questioning my abilities and how stingy I was not showering everyone with what I reserve for those I care for. Then the final straw, my self esteem plummeted to new lows. People that I have respected for various reasons were now announcing to Facebook, their spending habits and showing off what was purchased, or how much a bill was for something. There were thumbs up all over those posts and chatty conversations about their purchases or preferences. It really read as very hollow, once forgotten and then it would happen again and again. I wondered where my friends, and where my life went. Over a year of Facebook and it seemed to be challenging all of my beliefs and where I draw boundaries. I found I was crippled and didn’t want to face realities (such as bills) and didn’t feel competent enough to write and lost interest in Astrology.
Pluto has hit my Sun conjunct once and then retrograde and now back again. I joined up as a moderator on an Astrology forum. I needed to be surrounded by Astrologers and students. With transit Saturn going through the ninth house, limitations in Astrology the forum moderating fit the bill. I wanted to unfriend many on Facebook, but feared a chain reaction not seens since the declarations of WWI and the inner-fighting and posturing of allies. I eventually realized that, well…. that I am not that important. So I did cut away mostly people that had over 200 friends, figuring I was just a number, not a person. I still have friends that are considered important that also concentrate on material acquisitions, and am okay with it…. I have an intercepted Leo in the seventh. Maybe I need these friends as a reminder, we are here in physical forms in a physical world. The name dropping, took a bit but I did finally notice that the authors never name drop or acknowledge their name dropping friend. As for those blogs written by anyone that can figure out how to use WordPress… well hell, I may just very well be one of them and busy projecting my own doubts and fears.
Some of you following along with different posts here and there know that I am having some health issues. Walking is almost impossible now. I do use a cane if I am going anywer… but it is a matter of time I will have to get a wheel chair. This last month as Pluto zoned in an exact conjunct, my sister (whom I rely on greatly) had a surgery that kept her home bound. I had to rely on others (that I even paid, mind you) and the resentment was palatable. There is the conference happening in New Orleans this year, and I was all set to go… but things didn’t pan out that way. Honestly, I am grateful that I am not going. I would need to rely on someone to just get around or a “hey, could you go get me a soda”. That didn’t set well with me… and there are going to be people there I have met here online and shared notes and such. I would like to meet these people full on my feet and healthy. I know, it doesn’t matter does it? Well, just using a cane, I find people will speak slowly and louder while nodding their heads at me. If I am with another person, they will talk to that person about me in third person… like I am zoned out and standing there drooling. So for now, it is all good… hoping by the next retrograde over my Sun, I will let the feeling sorry for myself dissolve and find how I can take charge. There are many others who have had bigger limitations not stop them.
The Pluto transit is much like the other ones, but definitely intense. Once you walk the uncomfortable path of fire, there is a confidence in knowing you do not know. There is a liberation in the realization that you can not control others or the outcome. The only thing you are in control of us your own perception and how you choose respond. It feels like being able to take a nap in the midst of a tornado.