Pluto just entered Capricorn this morning as I started this blog. I have been doing some studying preparing myself for the upcoming transit over my Sun and opposing my Moon. I picked up a wonderful book on bereavement and have found how apropos the book is to Pluto endings. As we loose jobs, friends, relationships, etc… we go through a process very similar to grieving at some degree or another. The shock, the anger, the fear, the deep seated depression, the holding on dearly to knowing that one day you will find hope again. What appears to be an untimely death by Pluto, is actually a gift. When we find we have traveled through the looking glass and arrived on the other side, we have learned to really live by excepting the fragility and mortality of life… we learn to cherish each moment, each individual, every hope and dream. We see life everywhere and understand the beauty of the gift. Pluto’s riddle, we must experience death to appreciate life.
Now to identify some personal brushes with Pluto transiting. Other than the book I am now finding such wisdom in, I decided to set up my deep tissue massage chair. Seemed like the perfect time, as I also have transit Saturn going over my Natal Pluto in my 8th house. Talk about serious transformation!! My energy level has increased tremendously… even my eyesight has improved as pinched nerves and knotted muscles have been pulverized.
I have been under serious financial binds with Saturn doing it’s number in the 8th. Since most of my income relies on individual transactions, it has been painful. I have my car out at a backyard mechanic’s garage. It has been there almost 3 weeks. My patience was wearing thin and I called again today to find out the status. The mechanic told me that he had spent the day at the hospital with his wife and she was coming home tomorrow after having spent 8 weeks fighting cancer. Well, that made me realize that in the grander scale of things, I was just being a whiney baby. We then spent an hour on the phone talking about death, insurance, and cures, and his brush with Leukemia the prior year… Pluto stuff. I am in no hurry now, he will get to “transforming” my car later when he has time.
Now this was so wonderfully representative of Pluto’s location and so simple, I could have easily missed the connection. Since Pluto left Capricorn earlier this year, I had immediate plumbing problems in the house. Got it taken care of, then Pluto hit station prior to it’s current move and again the plumbing backed up. The ancient toilet I have has some of the worst rust and hard water stains I have ever seen. I have fought with it with rust remover, lime eater, scrubbers, cleansers…. nothing would get the stains out. Today I picked up yet another pumice stone (this one marketed just for toilet rust) and on the day Pluto moved in to Capricorn, Pluto (stagnant water, plumbing, toilets) and Capricorn (earth, rocks, mastery of duty) did the transformation magic… the toilet is stainless!
With Neptune just having served it’s final swipe I am trying to figure out how to get out of the binds I have put myself in. I work with tarot and stichomancy and Horary. Everything kept telling me to stagnate. Not to do anything, and I will be damned, every attempt I have tried to get some traction has been thwarted. I am stuck, waiting and stagnating. I have tried looking at this time in my life through the filter of Pluto lessons. I have found I am afraid to take on things I have before… jobs that were traditionally for the male partner are not being done by me…. not that the guys I have married did them… I did. But to do it now, I have to acknowledge I am alone…. Last night I wrote some Pluto musings…
” what is keeping me in place? Fear is the only limitation we have what do I fear? Ultimately having to admit I am alone. I don’t have the comfort of familial bonds… so I try to create them anywhere I can. If I take steps toward real independence, it is the proof I am alone. If I can do what it takes others a family to do, I have proven I have true independence…. and again I am alone. I think that we are wired to be codependent and to have to admit and face that all our mountains climbed are our own conquered, and every failing is to no ones fault but our own. We seek others to share our lives, our burdens, our projections that we are too afraid to admit are in our selves. Do I fear failure or is it success that is really the frightening prospect?
I have been watching the lives of those around me destroyed due to relationships, due to the awful truth of facing who we are. There seems to be a rash of my friends that have decided they have out grown their marriages and want to move on to other partners. The new partners are a break from the norm… unconventional, exciting, and dangerous. We long to transfer our codependent dysfunctions on to a new model. We want to see the best of ourselves reflected in the eyes of another. Look past my failings as a partner, set up the groundwork for blame and accusations, distract me while I destroy the foundations of stability… and we will agree to call it love. The saying comes to mind, where ever you go, there you are… the fuel for a future defeat. ”
I think I have decided I am not going to have another relationship again… not in the traditional sense at least. I don’t think I would have come to that realization had I not been stagnant.
We really are lucky as Astrologers. We see the transits and try to make sense of them. I have a friend who’s daughter “disowned” him. Pluto is headed to his 2 degree Capricorn Saturn on the cusp of his 5th. He mentioned he felt like killing himself (Pluto!). As Astrologer’s we know this was a likely outcome of the transit, no less devastating for my friend, but he was blind sighted. Most of the advice and support I have given him right from that book on bereavement I mentioned above. I may have to refer to the book more often, as he is involved in a Pluto/Venus conjunction relationship.